Every few minutes I ask myself what in the world am I doing.
What is a 45 year old guy doing, putting all of his stuff in storage, and going on the road.
Am I crazy? Am I running from something? What am I trying to find?
Right now the movers are here, and it’s “real.” All of the talk and planning was causing anxiety – though now it’s happening.
If you’re reading this, you probably know at least something about me. I’ve done pretty well for myself; started three software companies, became a fairly well known entrepreneur in the San Diego area, and after earning a Masters Degree in Spiritual Psychology, transitioned into an educator; author, teacher, speaker.
I could very well be described as an upper-middle class white-collar guy.
Though why in the world would I be putting all of my belongings in self-storage, packing up my car, and leaving the city that’s been my home for the past 15 years? Leaving all my friends and network, and just leaving?
What’s really crazy is I’m not sure where I’m going.
First, I am going to spend time with my family in Texas. My mom battled cancer and won, but there’s still work to be done. Her and my little sister, who lives in my mom’s house, along with her five kids and husband, really could use support right now.
That may be a short period of time, or a very long period of time.
They live in rural Texas, which, while they love it, really isn’t somewhere I can’t see myself settling.
So when we get some stability around their household, I truly have no plan. That’s a fact that’s hard to get my head around.
When’s the last time you had no ties, no agenda, no plan for your life?
What would you do, where would you go?
On the way to Texas I am going to volunteer in Mexico, go to a workshop in LA, they stop in Sedona and New Mexico on the way over. Might mix in a silent retreat on the way.
The reactions from my friends have been all over the place. Most are excited. Some are concerned.
My dear friend Tom, a few weeks after I told him, asked me “is everything all right? Are you, like, OK? What’s really going on?”
What’s awesome about this is he cares enough to really ask. And he had genuine concern in his voice.
I told him the truth. First it’s my family. It’s a great time to reconnect with them.
But San Diego has never felt like it’s the place for me to settle. It’s not just that I’m a city guy, and that I’m not even much of a beach person, there’s more to it.
I just feel unsettled.
Like something is waiting to be discovered.
And I need to take action to find it.
I had my “Astrocartography” chart read. That’s where you tell someone your place, date, and time of your birth, and they tell you where, astrologically, you should live.
(OK, not totally bought into it either, but what can it hurt?)
They came up with two places.
First, where all my “lines” meet, is in Siberia, Russia.
Yeah, I’ll put that on the “someday maybe list.”
The second place, in the most random of randomness, is Little Rock, Arkansas.
So at some point, I’m going to check that place out for a week or two. See what it has in store for me.
You can do those things when you are totally free.
But man right now it’s stressful.
It’s taken a lot to actually pull the trigger. It’s one thing when you are 22 and you just take off; it’s another thing when you are 45.
A few friends helped me tremendously. When I was visiting Greg in Reno he gave me a push.
Some life events happened that started to push me more towards the decision.
The more I thought about it, and even made some preliminary plans, I got stressed.
Then I judged the stress.
Because on paper, it was a pretty easy move.
I’m divorced, no kids, and can work from anywhere.
So why all the resistance?
I’m a courageous guy, in fact this is what I teach people. And hey if it doesn’t work out, you can always move back.
So why wasn’t it an easier move to make?
Then another friend Scott told me “dude, nobody does what you are going to do. They all talk about it. Though how many really do?”
Truth is it is hard. Hard to leave a community that I know so well, and that knows me.
And, strangely enough, I don’t know where I’m going.
The biggest thing that I found out is that so many people *want* to make a change. It takes so much to act on something like this. Faith, acceptance, trust.
And most people are excited. So many people told me to write about my trip.
I’ve personally never got into travel blogs, or followed anyone on their travels.
Though Tracy let me know that it’s more than just travel.
It’s about following my intuition.
If you forgive the over-used phrase, following my heart.
See, deep down, I know it’s the right time to see my family.
Also, I know it’s time to explore again.
It was hard to actually pull the trigger.
And strangely, really hard to write this article.
Although it is helpful. It helps me organize my thoughts and be honest to myself about what I’m going through.
To be super honest, I’m surprised you’ve read this far. I feel like I’m just running on.
Maybe I’m helping all the other people out there that have something big they want to do, that’s out of the “ordinary” plan for people, and need that extra push. I don’t know.
If you would like more updates like this on my trip, let me know.
If people are interested, I’m open to continuing to document my trip.
One thing I am sure of is it’s going to be a journey of self-discovery.
I know that I’m going to learn even more about myself, and the world around me.
Maybe you’d like to follow along in this journey?
If so let me know.
Though do me a favor.
Let me know why. Why it’s interesting to you.
Either a comment, PM, or an e-mail is fine – depending on if you want it to be public or private.
Because I really want to understand how you are looking at my trip.
After all, it may help me see myself more clearly.